Spending Another Father's Day without My Dad: A Letter to Commissioner Tisch

Dear Commissioner Tisch,

I hope this Father’s Day finds you well and surrounded by family. Sadly, my brother Eli and I are not able to spend this day with our dad, Allan Feliz.

My name is Kilsi Polanco, and I am Allan Feliz’s stepdaughter. Although Allan was not my biological father, he raised me from the time I was three years old. To me, he is my dad in every way that matters.

I was only 15 when Allan was killed. I will never forget the moment I found out. I experienced panic attacks then, and I still do now. I remember the heartbreak and horror I felt the first time I saw the video of what the NYPD did to Allan. It made me physically sick. I had sleepless nights, constant anxiety, and a deep sadness that still lives in me.

Allan was incredibly family-oriented. He always made sure I had school supplies, clothes, and anything else I needed. Even when I had permission to be at a friend’s house, he would check in and make sure I was home safe—whether it was 5 p.m. or 8 p.m., it didn’t matter. He just wanted to protect me. If he saw me outside and knew I needed something, he would take me with him and make sure I was okay. That’s the kind of father he was. He showed me what love looks like, what safety feels like, and how a girl should be treated.

Since Allan’s death, I have felt lost, depressed, and disconnected. I struggle with post-traumatic stress, especially when I see police officers around me. I often fear for my own safety, wondering if I’ll be able to take my next breath.

This isn’t just about what happened to Allan—it’s about the lasting harm it caused our family. The trauma has taken a serious toll on our mental health. I still have a hard time talking to my little brother Eli about what happened. For a while, it even hurt to look at him, because he looks just like our dad. But I try everyday to show him how much he is loved, even though his father isn’t here. Eli once said, “It’s okay, I miss my dad, but I know you miss him too.” He’s only six, but he is smart and strong—just like his father, who was the kindest, gentlest man we knew.

Eli just graduated from kindergarten—another moment his father should have been here to celebrate. I recently graduated high school and am now in college, studying to become a social worker to help children who are struggling with mental health, just like I have. I wish more than anything that my dad could have been there with me. Instead, we spent his birthday at the cemetery.

No human being should be treated the way Allan was. What happened to him was inhumane and unjust. I am writing to you today to ask you to fire Officer Jonathan Rivera for taking our father away from us. No child should have to learn about this kind of pain so young.

This fight has consumed so much of our lives. Still, Eli and I know right from wrong. We are asking you, Commissioner Tisch, to do the right thing.

Sincerely,

Kilsi Polanco

Daughter of Allan Feliz